


The Undone and the Divine

by LoneWulffe



Series: Rounded with a Sleep [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alien Culture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Complicated Relationships, Established Relationship, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Humor, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 23:36:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18883597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoneWulffe/pseuds/LoneWulffe
Summary: [Companion fic to the Paradise in a Dream series]Hands entwined, hearts alignedSo it has always beenSo it must always beFor the ground is flat where Yuda walks~ Excerpt from the Hymn of Yuda





	The Undone and the Divine

**Author's Note:**

> First off, I would like to stress that this is the first time I have ever written something like this.
> 
> Secondly, I would like to stress that this is the last time I will ever write something like this.
> 
> So... basically, this is the one and only time you're getting something like this out of me, for better or worse.
> 
> Oh, and in case it wasn't clear, this takes place between Chapters 17 and 18 of A Tourist in the Waking World.
> 
> Also, the title comes from the song Bedroom Hymns by Florence + The Machine. I don't think I have to explain why it was chosen...

> _This is his body_
> 
> _This is his love_
> 
> _Such selfish prayers_
> 
> _And I can't get enough_
> 
> – _Florence + The Machine, Bedroom Hymns_

 

* * *

 

_What did I ever do to deserve this?_

That was the one thought consuming Mon-El's mind as he lost himself in the star-filled ocean that was Kara's eyes. Despite everything – the earnestness of her request, her insistence that this was truly what she wanted, their awareness of their mutual desire for each other –, it all still felt so unreal to him. (An ironic thought to have, considering the fact that none of this was technically real.) It was illogical. Almost insane. Borderline impossible, just like almost everything else about their relationship.

And yet here they were.

He kissed her again – because he could, because he wanted to – and revelled in the quiet eagerness with which she responded even though he could almost taste her still lingering nervousness on her lips. It reminded him appropriately enough of their second kiss which was to be expected; she had been that paradoxical mix of shy and daring then as well, sure enough of herself to make the decision preceding the moment but almost afraid of seeing it through. He had had his suspicions as to why and she had confirmed it after they had parted, hesitantly asking him if he had found the kiss acceptable. Was it the Kryptonian in her, he had wondered – that infamous distaste for failure that his people had considered more proof their mortal enemies were mere robots – or was it simply a Kara thing – Kara, who constantly worried about potentially ruining things between them so much that it sometimes led to her actually ruining it?

 _-Does it matter?-_ the small voice at the back of his head asked.

...No, he supposed not, careful not to let these thoughts slip through into her mind and potentially trouble her. In the end, it was still Kara, and he cherished her and every part of her that made her who she was more than life itself.

Gradually, he felt her body relax and the golden light become a little more sedate as the kiss continued just as he intended. Once he was sure that she had calmed down enough, he slowly brought the kiss to an end and pulled away. The sight that greeted him when he opened his eyes, however, threatened to shatter his own imposed sense of calm into nothingness. Her flushed cheeks, swollen lips and unfocused gaze were more seductive than anything the daughters of Daxam's noble houses had ever done in their bid to win his attention. It took all of his willpower to keep the Daxamite in him leashed and resist the urge to lean in again to ravish her mouth until they ran out of air.

He had promised both her and himself time and time again that he would let her lead in this dance of theirs and he refused to break that promise now when it could not be more important.

“Tell me what you want, Kara,” he whispered as he continued cradling her face with all the care that the most precious thing in the entire universe deserved.

“You.” Her reply was automatic – so simple and matter-of-fact that he wondered whether the word had even fully formed in her mind before it had spilled from her lips. “Just you.”

The all-consuming fire in his chest burned that much brighter at that, tempered only by his quiet bemusement at her rather innocent response. It seemed that some things would never change no matter the situation. “While I'm really happy to hear you say that, I was kind of asking in the context of what's going on between us right now,” he said as he did his best not to sound like he was teasing her. Which he kind of _was_ , if he was being perfectly honest, but that was neither here nor there.

She blinked and her blush darkened as realisation dawned on her. “Oh,” she squeaked, her sudden bout of timidity and self-consciousness stealing away the composure he had only just restored. “U-Um.”

It was getting harder and harder not to give in to the urge to start teasing her outright but he persevered. The last thing he wanted was to upset her while they were at such a delicate juncture in their relationship and potentially cause irreparable damage to it and maybe even her self-confidence. Perhaps some guidance on his part was needed for now – just enough to keep things going without compromising his commitment to letting her set the pace. “Would you like me to start?” he asked softly and had to tamp down a grin at her confused expression. “My clothes,” he clarified. “I'll take them off first if you want.”

If her eyes got any wider, he was sure they would fall right out of their sockets. “O-Oh.” In contrast to her statue-like posture, the golden light in his head was as restless as a spooked zhivrii. “Um. O-Okay.”

Taking that as his cue, he slowly stepped back without breaking eye contact, all the while pointedly ignoring the way his own body betrayed his wishes by clamouring to be close to hers again. (The look in her eyes made it all too clear that a similar dilemma was raging in her mind.) When she remained silent and gave no indication that she wanted him to stop, he reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head.

As he continued to undress, the memory of the first day of his training under Terr-Es, the Grace of Yuda herself came unbidden to the forefront of his mind. All Daxamites underwent their training with the guidance of the priests and priestesses of their local temples who were considered the representatives of the gods. However, as the crown prince, he had had the privilege of learning from the Vessels – those who had been so gifted in some specific way that they had been deemed to be nothing short of manifestations of the gods themselves.

“To please your partner is to please Yuda. As the heir of Vell Or, he who had been chosen by the gods themselves to create and rule our great kingdom, you must excel in this above all others.” Those had been the first words she had ever said to him. (If he concentrated hard enough, he could still smell the alluringly sweet incense that had always filled her private chambers in the royal temple.) She had appraised him with an inscrutable gaze as she had spoken, her amber orbs giving nothing away, and in that moment it had really seemed as if Yuda herself was staring into his very soul.

Kara was nothing like Terr-Es – not her appearance and certainly not her demeanour – and yet, standing naked before her as he had that day long ago before Yuda's chosen, Mon-El could not help but feel that same sense of being in the presence of something far greater than his mortal self deserved to so much as lay eyes on even for a second.

Oblivious to his thoughts, she stared back at him with wide eyes and flushed cheeks, and he forced himself to focus on studying her instead of giving in to the ever-growing need to claim her mouth again at the very least. There was desire, yes, just like all the other women who had sought to occupy his bed but there was something like awe lurking in those brilliant blue orbs too – as if some part of her still couldn't quite believe all this was happening.

It humbled him, strangely enough. Or perhaps not; she had that effect on him more often than not, after all.

Movement in front of him dragged him out of his thoughts, and when he focused his full attention back on her he found that she had taken a tentative step towards him with her hands slightly raised. “M-May I...?” she asked shyly.

Confused, it took him a moment to realise what she was asking but when he did, a genuine and soft smile curved his lips. “You may,” he replied simply and said nothing more, choosing instead to remain still as he watched her slowly approach him.

The feel of her fingers making contact with his chest along with with the golden light slipping not only into his head but also his soul nearly undid him then and there.

She jerked back as if she had been scalded when she heard him hiss at her touch and clapped her hands over her mouth in horror. “I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't-”

“Shh. Hey, hey.” In a heartbeat, he closed the distance between them and grasped her wrists so he could gently pull her hands away from her face and send wave after wave of comforting thoughts through their connection. “It's okay. Kara, it's okay. I'm fine. It's just...” He flashed her a somewhat sheepish smile. “It's been a while for me, you realise.” _Plus, it's you_ , he wanted to add out loud. _Everything is so new and different with you._

Conflicting feelings of relief and uncertainty played across her face and radiated from the golden light but she thankfully calmed down again eventually. “I understand.” Then her gaze turned shy once more. “S-So... um.”

Her unspoken request came through loud and clear, and he let go of her wrists but remained where he stood. This time, he was able to refrain from reacting when she lifted her hands once again to run them across the planes of his chest, her feather-light touch mirrored by the tentative way the golden light seemed to be weaving itself into every fibre of his being.

It amused but did not surprise him that she kept her explorations from going anywhere below his waist.

When she finally let her hands fall to her sides and stepped back, he shot her a questioning look but kept quiet, unsure what to say or even whether speaking was even the right move.

“I-I, um...” Her fingers kept twitching and it looked like it was taking her a significant amount of effort to maintain eye contact with him. “I-I guess... it's m-my turn.”

Ah. “Would you like me to turn around?” he asked as neutrally as he could. It shocked him a little to realise all of a sudden how badly he wanted to watch her undress. In his now distant past, the removal of clothing had simply been a necessary but inconsequential task that preceded one of his favourite distractions but now... As with everything else related to his relationship with the woman in front of him, he wanted nothing more than to savour every single moment.

Oblivious to where his thoughts had strayed likely due to being too mired in her own chaotic state of mind, she shook her head as her gaze gained a slightly more determined edge to it. “N-No.” Her mouth opened and closed soundlessly a few times before she found her voice again, however small it might be. “I-I-I mean... Y-You're going to... to see eventually anyway.”

He couldn't argue with that logic and acknowledged it with a slight nod.

Then he watched silently as her somewhat shaky hands reached for the hem of her shirt.

One by one, each article of clothing was removed with agonising slowness.

It was the sweetest, most excruciating kind of torture he could have ever imagined, and when she was finally and completely naked before him, he found that there was only one thing to be said.

“Beautiful.”

Impossibly, her blush darkened yet another shade, and he thought he could be forgiven for noticing the way it spread down her neck to her chest which she had tried to cover by crossing her arms in a somewhat defensive pose.

Not that it really achieved its goal... or made him desire her any less. Just the opposite, in fact.

“I want to kiss you, Kara.” He could hear the hunger in his own rough voice but his miraculously still iron-clad will kept his feet rooted to the ground and his hands hanging loosely by his sides. “Will you let me?”

A long stretch of silence ensued where both of them did nothing but stare at each other and he tried not to read too much into the fear he saw warring with the desire swimming in her eyes. It was when he was about to ask her if she wanted to put a stop to this, however, that she finally gave him a small, tentative nod.

He approached her slowly, giving her opportunity after opportunity to ask him to stop with every careful step, but not a sound left her lips. To his quiet amazement and maybe even hers, she remained silent even when he finally stopped right in front of her – close enough to see that the blue he loved so much had become thin rings around blown-wide pupils.

Giving her one last chance to back out, he gently cradled her face, closed his eyes and bent down to press his lips lightly against hers, all the while taking care not to touch any other part of her. She was tense, as was the golden light that had tentatively slipped back into his head the moment he initiated the kiss, but gradually relaxed and kissed him back. Several thundering heartbeats later, his brain processed the feel of her hands pressing against his chest before sliding up to rest at the base of his neck.

Taking that as a sign of permission, he let one of his hands slide down her arm to ultimately rest on her waist, and felt more than heard her breath hitch at the contact. A slight shiver followed almost immediately afterwards accompanied by a spike of desire coming from the golden light in his head. Or was that his own growing desire he was feeling? It was getting harder to tell her emotions from his with every passing beat what with the way they seemed to be feeding off each other and subsequently growing stronger in some vicious cycle.

He was summarily dragged out of his idle musings when he registered the feel of her hands lightly tightening their grip as a paradoxical mix of trepidation and determination slipped into the sea of desire. When he opened his eyes and broke the kiss to ask her what was wrong, however, he was denied the chance to so much as utter a single word when she quickly pressed her lips against his again as if she was afraid of letting him speak.

Then her hands slid down from their perch to wrap around his upper arms before tugging him ever so slightly towards her as she took one miniscule step backwards.

Towards her bed.

Oh.

Getting the hint, he relaxed and smoothly followed her lead, careful to match her step for step and do nothing else. In hindsight, it was a good thing that he had been focused on not letting his hands wander as that allowed him to keep her from falling outright when her legs bumped into the foot of the bed and caused him to stumble a little himself. Only his tight grip on her waist and fast reflexes kept her from losing her balance completely and falling gracelessly backwards onto the bed, taking him down with her in the process.

Not that that wasn't where they had already been headed – at least, he was pretty sure that had been her intention – but it would certainly have kicked their current sedate pace into warp speed which would probably have caused a minor freak out at the very least.

Of course, the sudden near-fall still caused a minor freak out all on its own if the panic that sliced through his mind and the way her grip tightened almost painfully around his arms were any indication. “Sorry,” she blurted out the moment she broke the kiss, her embarrassment over her blunder clear in her tone and the golden light which had started retreating from his mind. “I should've-”

He cut off her apology with another kiss, curling his thoughts comfortingly around hers for good measure, and only pulled away when he was sure she had calmed down enough again. “Shh,” he murmured as he gave her a soft understanding smile. “It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. It was just a small mistake. Don't overthink it. Okay?”

“...O-Okay,” she whispered at long last, her once again hesitant gaze darting somewhat restlessly between his face and his chest. “Um...”

“...Do you want me to help?” he asked carefully, unsure if it was appropriate for him to take control even if for just a moment or even if she wanted his help or not.

She tensed again and ducked her head but nodded ever so slightly before he could apologise for assuming or retract his offer.

“Okay then,” he murmured before gently tipping her chin up so he could press his lips against hers again even as he nudged her legs apart with his knee. A resurgence of nervousness made her compliance to his silent request a tense affair but it was brief and he had enough room to rest his knee comfortably on the edge of the bed soon enough. Having stabilised the both of them with that, he used the hand still resting on her waist to guide her backwards to sit on the bed. His lips still fused to hers, he followed her as she shuffled somewhat awkwardly backwards until he could no longer feel the edge of the bed. Then he carefully lowered her down onto the bed, moving both his hands to bracket her head in order to support himself and maintain the agonising sliver of space between their bodies before drawing back and opening his eyes.

The sight of her beneath him – her lustrous hair spilled across the sheets like molten gold, her perfect body partially illuminated by the moonlight sneaking through the window, her comet-like eyes staring back up at him with a heady mixture of shyness, desire and what could only be love – made it impossible to think that she was anything but an incarnation of the goddess with whom she shared her name.

(Memories of journeying throughout Daxam and across the stars alongside Gwel Iath, the Vision of Kara stirred at the back of his mind – flashes of stunning sight after stunning sight accompanied by the man's lilting voice asking the same question over and over again: “Beautiful, isn't it?”)

Up close, she was somehow even more breathtaking than before.

A part of him still couldn't believe that she had chosen to let him see her like this – to _be_ with her like this – despite everything. Him and only him.

He truly was unworthy.

“Tell me what you want me to do, Kara,” he rasped, feeling all of a sudden as if his body was practically vibrating with pent-up energy that threatened to rip him apart at the molecular level.

Her already wide-eyed gaze widened even more as the blush colouring her face intensified. “U-Um...” She swallowed, and he couldn't help but watch the action and imagine tracing it with his mouth. “T-Touch me.”

This close. He was this close to losing it completely. If she didn't start taking control of the situation for real, he didn't know if he could stop himself from ravishing her until she forgot her own name. “Where?”

She blinked and swallowed again. “W-Wherever you like,” she whispered tremulously.

It was possibly the last thing he wanted or needed to hear unlike the Daxamite in him which all but howled at that. “ _Kara..._ ” he groaned in frustration as he dropped his head into the crook of her neck.

“W-What?” Her tone was equal parts panicked, confused and defensive. “What did I say?”

He lifted his head to glare half-heartedly at her. “I'm trying to keep my promise to let you set the pace but it's starting to feel like you're doing everything in your power to make me go back on my word.”

That made her sulk, amusingly enough. “I-I'm not doing it on purpose,” she mumbled petulantly. “I just...” Her gaze darted to the side, but he didn't need to look into those brilliant blue orbs to see that her nervousness had overcome her again. “I-I don't... really know what to do.”

Confusion overrode every other emotion jostling for dominance in his head. “What do you mean? I thought you said you'd learned about mating when you were sixteen.”

“I did, but...” Frustration creased her brow – a jarring contrast to the blush still colouring her cheeks. “I know the... technical aspects of it. I don't...” She shifted restlessly beneath him, and when she finally locked gazes with him again there was no mistaking how... _lost_... she looked. “I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with my hands.”

Oh. He should have expected this to some extent when he thought about it. There was the fact that she was still very much a Kryptonian but the scarce little she'd told him about what passed for Earth's version of mating lessons would no doubt have compounded the issue. But now was not the time to think about such matters. “There aren't exactly any rules or guidelines for this, actually,” he told her with a soft smile. “You can choose to just leave them by your sides or wrap them around me. It all depends on what you're comfortable with.”

She blinked in surprise. “Y-You mean as in... h-hold on to you?”

“If you want,” he added with a shrug. “As I said, it's up to you. If it makes you uncomfortable-”

The sensation of her hands touching his sides and the golden light slipping back into his head robbed him of his ability to speak, and the only sound he could make as his eyes slid shut of their own volition was a tortured groan as he felt her hands continue their sensuously slow journey across his back before finally coming to rest just below his shoulder blades. “L-Like this?”

“Y-Yeah.” _Breathe, Mon-El. Breathe._ “That's... That's fine.” Gods, she was making him feel like a novice all over again. Terr-Es would have been so disappointed in him, he was sure of it, and he could only imagine how Yuda herself felt about him right now. Would she be merciful, considering she should know how he felt about Kara? He could only hope that was so but said a silent prayer of apology to the goddess just in case. When he was marginally sure that he had regained some measure of control over his own body again, he opened his eyes and studied her features for any sign of discomfort. “Does this work for you?”

She nodded silently and drew a fortifying breath that he could actually hear before speaking again. “...M-My... My breasts.” Her gaze darted all over the place before finally meeting his once more however uncertainly. “T-That's... That's where I... I want you to... t-touch me.”

Something bizarrely like relief coursed through his veins at her instructions which he tried his best to block from flowing to her through their connection. The situation was fragile enough as it was and he was pretty sure that letting her feel the emotions he could barely comprehend would make it messier in some way. “All right,” he murmured instead before capturing her lips in a soft kiss and using their connection to coax her back into a more relaxed state.

Then, when both her body and the golden light were significantly less tense, he lifted his left hand from the bed and palmed her breast.

The golden light in his head flared with surprised pleasure as she gasped into his mouth while her fingers dug into his back and her body arched almost painfully into his touch. In an effort to keep himself from drowning in her out-of-control emotions, he took advantage of the situation to deepen the kiss as he began massaging the mound of flesh in his hand. He was summarily rewarded with a muffled moan as the golden light became almost blinding in its intensity. Unsurprisingly, she ran out of air and broke the kiss first, panting hotly against his lips for a second before she kissed him somewhat desperately in an apparent effort to silence her next moan. He couldn't be sure, too distracted with marvelling at the way she fit perfectly in his hand.

Gods, it was as if their bodies had been made for each other.

He switched hands to give the neglected breast the attention it was due, and the Daxamite in him exulted in how her moan transformed into a needy whine and back again during the transition. Eager to hear it again, he repeated his actions and couldn't help the hungry grin that curved his lips when he got what he wanted.

Except it just made him want even more.

This time, it was he who broke the kiss, eliciting another whine from her in the process, and ignored the way she chased his lips in favour of leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses up and down her neck and shoulder. She was writhing beneath him by this point, her legs bumping and sliding against his as her ragged moans and breathless whimpers filled his ears and the blinding golden light in his head throbbed in time with her erratic pulse.

It still wasn't enough.

The noise that spilled out of her when he moved his mouth further down to latch onto the breast not being tended to by his hand fed his hunger for only a split second. _More_ , his mind and body demanded as fragments of his former self began rising to the surface. He needed to hear it again, and did much to his satisfaction when he swirled his tongue around her hardened nipple. One of her hands slid shakily up his back to his head to hold him in place, and the feel of her nails scratching his scalp encouraged him to switch breasts and continue his ministrations before switching back again.

Only the unexpected sliver of distress appearing out of nowhere in the noises she was making and the golden light that managed to somehow penetrate the fog of desire clouding his mind got him to stop and pull back.

“Kara?” Grife. He'd messed up again somehow. Grife, grife, grife. “Kara, what's wrong?”

She pulled her hands back and covered her face, the very picture of shame. “Nothing, Mon-El.” Her words were as unconvincing as they were muffled. “It's nothing.”

“Kara, I know you're crinkling even if I can't see it.” Despite his words, he kept his hands pressed on the bed and refrained from pulling hers away. “Kara... _please_. Talk to me.”

She shook her head wildly. “I... You're going to think I'm being silly.”

“Hey. Kara, look at me. Please.” He didn't say anything else until she finally parted her fingers just enough to meet his concerned gaze with her embarrassed one and gave her a soft reassuring smile. “I'm not, okay? I promise. Just tell me what's wrong.”

The way she shifted restlessly underneath him was a distraction that was hard to ignore but he did his best anyway. “I... Nothing's _wrong_ exactly. It's just...” Despite the fact that most of her face was still shielded by her hands, he did not miss the darkening of her blush. “I-I wasn't expecting... I didn't... I-I didn't think I was going t-to... to be so...”

“...vocal?” he finished for her carefully and was filled with a mixture relief and exasperation when he got a shaky nod in response to his guess. Earth's idea of mating lessons was in desperate need of revision if they didn't even cover something so basic. Clearly he was going to have to step in and fix this before she thought she was doing something wrong. “It's normal, you know,” he murmured. “Well, it varies from person to person to be more precise but there's nothing wrong with it. All that matters is what you're comfortable with.”

His words seemed to have the intended effect if the way she slowly lowered her hands was any indication but there were still traces of hesitation in her demeanour. “...Y-You... You don't mind?”

“I don't.” Which was an understatement so great it bordered on being a lie. It filled him with a primal kind of pride, knowing that he could make her lose control like this – that he was the _only_ one she could and wanted to lose control with like this – and he wondered if he could be forgiven for selfishly desiring more. To hear her feverishly chant his name like a prayer, scream barely coherent words into the silence of the bedroom, beg for release until her throat was raw... He wanted to hear every single sound he could possibly coax out of her as he facilitated her pursuit of her own pleasure without shame. “Does that help?”

Oblivious to his thoughts and their carnal nature, she nodded shyly. “Y-Yeah.” Then she finally if somewhat hesitantly uncovered her face fully before returning her hands to their previous position on his back and tentatively restoring their mental connection. “I-I... I'm okay now.”

“That's good.” Even better was the fact that he'd managed to get his desire back under control before she got even a peek at his thoughts again but she didn't need to know that. “Do you want me to continue?” he asked softly, and waited patiently while she tucked her face into his shoulder and nodded ever so slightly before lifting his hand-

“Lower.”

He stilled. “...Kara?”

She shifted restlessly, as did the golden light in his head, but did not pull away. “I-I-I... I want you t-to... t-to go lower.”

Just in case he was misunderstanding her, he lightly pressed the tips of his fingers to a point just below her breast before slowly trailing it downwards, trying and failing not to notice the way his actions caused her breath to hitch and tremors to shake her frame. Her reactions to his touch only became more pronounced when his hand finally stopped at her thigh, and the discovery that she was already sinfully wet made it that much harder to keep his fingers from continuing their exploration of her body unchecked. “Here?” he whispered huskily into the shell of her ear, earning himself another delicious shiver in the process that rippled through his own frame, and waited in agony for her to nod shakily in answer before proceeding to slide a finger between her folds.

Nothing, however, could have prepared him for the heat and tightness of her core.

A colourful curse slipped out of him but it was immediately drowned out by the loud ragged moan that clawed its way out of her throat as her body went taut beneath him. He felt a pinprick of discomfort coming through their connection as her body struggled to process the foreign presence inside it but it disappeared among the waves of overwhelming pleasure she was feeling so quickly he was almost sure he had imagined it. Taking that as encouragement to continue, he began slowly pumping his finger in and out of her while his mouth peppered every bit of skin it could reach with kisses that alternated between soft and bruising.

Helpless and clearly unwilling to do anything but submit completely to his ministrations, she clung to him as if she were drowning and he was her only lifeline, her nails digging almost painfully into his back as she panted and whimpered breathlessly into his chest. At the same time, her legs spasmed almost violently, seemingly torn between spreading themselves further apart to give him better access and clamping down on his wrist in a blind bid to ensure his hand would not escape until it had delivered on its unspoken promise. Not that he had any intention of doing so, which was what he found himself whispering reassuringly to her even as a part of him wondered whether she was in any state to make sense of what he was saying.

Then, just as he thought he had established a rhythm that agreed with her, he felt an undercurrent of frustrated distress coming from the golden light. “Kara?” he murmured in concern. “Kara, tell me what's wrong.”

“M-More,” she gasped desperately.

“More what?” he asked her even though he thought he might have an idea as to what she wanted. At this stage, an assumption that turned out to be false could have consequences he wasn't sure either of them were prepared for so it was better to be sure.

Nevertheless, she proved to be of little help, her mind apparently too clouded by the emotions and sensations barraging it to piece together what her body was demanding and vocalise it to him. “I-I don't...” She shook her head almost violently as the frustration bleeding through their connection intensified. “J-Just... _more_.”

Sending a silent prayer to Yuda that he was on the right track, he pulled his hand out just enough to add a second digit to his ministrations. The greedy way her core seemed to suck his fingers in made him grit his teeth, and listening to her demanding whine transform into a gratified whimper during the transition did little to help him hold on to his rapidly degrading sanity. “Better?”

“ _Yes!_ ” She made a noise that he would easily have mistaken for pain if not for the waves of pleasure radiating from the golden light that threatened to drown his mind. “Don't- _ah!_ D-Don't stop. _P-Please._ ”

“I won't, I swear in Rao's name,” he murmured as his hand picked up speed, his fingers twisting and curling inside her purposefully as his thumb pressed and swiped at the swollen bundle of nerves that would be the ultimate key to her undoing at irregular intervals. If she had still been capable of coherent thought before this point, he was sure that was no longer the case judging by the way she seemed unable to do anything but make the most delicious sounds as she surrendered herself entirely to her body's primal needs. As if to reinforce that perception, her hips began bucking wildly in a blind endeavour to match his hand's thrusts and it took only a little effort on his part to coax them into a rhythm that matched his for maximum results.

Unsurprisingly, it was not long before she was close to coming undone, her gasping breaths short and shallow and the tension in her trembling body coiled so tight he was half afraid she would snap in two when she finally found her release. He could feel it all as if it was his own pleasure that was on the verge of being achieved, and maybe in a way it was; joined as they were in body, mind and soul, the idea that they were two separate beings instead of one almost seemed like an absurd fantasy instead of established fact. The thought managed to cut through the fog clouding his own mind and he reluctantly pulled his thoughts free even if only a little from the entangled mess that hers had become so as to ensure that he could maintain some kind of control over the situation for her sake.

Of course, it was at that point that he detected the sliver of panic that had manifested in the golden light and felt her beginning to squirm beneath him as if she was trying to escape. “Kara?” he asked in alarm although he did not stop his ministrations. “What's wrong?”

“M-Mon... M-Mon-El...” She was struggling on more than one level, stumbling over something as simple as his name while her hands slid down from his back to claw at his sides as if they couldn't decide between holding him close and pushing him away. “Mon-El... I-I-I... I-I c- _nnnhhh..._ I c-can't... T-Too much...”

And just like that, he understood. “Shh.” He nuzzled her neck and sent wave after wave of reassuring thoughts through their mental connection as he pressed soft kisses to her feverishly hot skin, all the while careful to avoid the spots he knew would send her over the edge. This had to be her choice and her choice alone. “It's okay. I'm here. You can let go. I've got you.”

As if she had been waiting for that very reassurance – which was very likely true –, she fell apart with a sharp breathless cry as the golden light in his head went supernova. Violent tremors ripped through her delicate frame at the same time and her hands slid higher up his back to cling to him for dear life. Already a searing and tight vice around his fingers, her core threatened to cut off all circulation to them as her walls rippled with so much force he half-wondered if she had somehow managed to access her real world powers in that moment. Despite it all, he rallied every scrap of focus he could muster in a bid to keep himself from drowning in her pleasure as he continued his ministrations and prolonged her climax for as long as possible. Only when he could feel that she was completely spent as her breathing evened out and her body began to sink bonelessly into the bed did he finally retract his hand.

The sound of her soft mournful sigh at the loss of his touch almost destroyed the last bit of self-control he had which he was valiantly using to resist the temptation to bring his hand up to his mouth and learn what she tasted like at long last. This was all still incredibly new to her and as long as he didn't know for sure what she was comfortable with, he was going to prioritise her needs over his pleasure no matter how much the Daxamite in him protested.

Mind set on this course of action, he nuzzled the crook of her neck ever so tenderly as he sent soothing thoughts through their mental connection, choosing to focus on her comfort as a way of sublimating his desires. He was rewarded with a drowsy hum that was mirrored by the languid state of the softly glowing golden light filling his head, and stealthily drew on her contentment to further keep his own feelings at bay. “How are you feeling?”

“...I think...” she started slowly, her voice somewhat hoarse for understandable reasons.

“Hmm?”

“...I'm not going to be able to look at your hands the same way ever again,” she finished in a way that made him think of how Nes'th used to growl after she had filled her belly with freshly cooked raz'tal meat.

No force in the universe could have stopped the self-satisfied grin that formed on his face.

A sliver of annoyance slipped into his head as the golden light bumped his mind albeit rather tiredly and she let out a weary groan into his neck. “Don't get so full of yourself just because I said that.”

“Too late,” he chuckled, making only the minimal amount of effort to smother his laugh as he pressed a kiss to her shoulder and felt his hunger for her recede in the face of his unexpected mirth.

It amused him to no end when she tried to pretend that the simple act hadn't sent a frisson of pleasure through her and instead continued to express her annoyance at his smugness. “I hate you,” she muttered half-heartedly, a hint of petulance in her voice.

Hearing that just made his grin widen. “If you wanted me to believe that, the least you could do was stop clinging to me like a Snoola,” he teased.

That got her to slide a hand down to his chest which she then used to push him away from her just enough so that she could glower at him. “I really have half a mind to kick you out of bed right now.”

“Good to know that your propensity for violence is very much alive even in this situation,” he sighed theatrically.

She pinched him.

“You _do_ realise you're just proving me right, don't you? Besides...” He ran his fingers along her side where he knew from past experience she was incredibly ticklish and smirked when that elicited a startled squeak out of her. “Are you sure you want to start a fight with me right now?”

The panicked look on her face as she realised how vulnerable she was at the moment made him want to laugh out loud, as did the jittery way the golden light was behaving in his head. “...Truce?” she offered timidly.

He refrained from pointing out that he had no reason to accept considering he had the upper hand but decided to have mercy on her. Plus, the last thing he wanted was to genuinely upset her especially after... well. “Fine. Truce.”

Her failed attempt to disguise her relief almost got him to laugh again but he settled for grinning impishly before capturing her lips in a deep but slow kiss. Predictably, she initially resisted his blatant attempt to essentially bribe her for her complete forgiveness but eventually caved and kissed him back as the golden light glowed softly in quiet contentment. It was not long before he felt her hands slip away from his body only to gently cup his face for a moment before her arms lazily wound themselves around his neck.

They stayed like that for a while, just lost in each other and the rare unexpected moment of fragile tranquillity that had descended upon them, and even when they were forced to part neither of them were willing to actually put any kind of meaningful distance between them. Instead, he rested his forehead against hers with his eyes still closed and drank in everything – her warmth, the feel of her steady breaths fanning across his face, the soothing presence of the golden light in his head...

Unbidden, the question that had consumed him when the night had begun echoed in his mind.

_What did I ever do to deserve this?_

“Is it...”

The hushed aborted question drew him out of his straying thoughts, and he opened his eyes to find her staring up at him with a soft shy look on her face. “Hmm?”

She blushed – it really was quite adorable and amusing how she could still blush considering everything that had transpired – and seemed to reconsider speaking for a moment before she finally found her voice again. “I-Is it... always that... intense?”

Because she was already flustered enough, he bit back the urge to tease her by asking to clarify what she meant by 'it'. “When it's done right, yes,” he replied simply. “By which I mean... well, training and experience, usually. But there are other factors that can affect it as well.” He studied her expression carefully as his mind's eye watched the golden light radiate quiet curiosity, and knew the exact moment she realised what he was hinting at.

“You mean our...?” she trailed off uncertainly as the golden light seemed to shrink away from his thoughts a little.

He hummed and sent a tendril of affection to wrap gently around her thoughts but neither said nor did anything else. It was the closest they had ever come to discussing their mental connection, he realised with a small start. They had never actively avoided the topic per se but at the same time, neither of them had ever made any effort to bring it up in conversation even indirectly. They had simply accepted it as part and parcel of their relationship – an incredibly precious part at that – and never once tried to think too deeply about it. Or at all. It was almost as if... as if they both felt it was too sacred to even talk about – as if speaking about it ruin it somehow. Or was that just him? He didn't know, which he supposed was the downside of not talking about it with her.

“Mon-El?”

The sound of her voice and the gentle prodding of the golden light in his head brought him back into the present whereupon he found her staring up at him with undeniable curiosity. “Sorry,” he apologised with a slightly sheepish smile. “I was just... thinking.”

She gave him a look that suggested she knew what had occupied his mind but chose to let it go. So he really wasn't the only one who preferred not to openly talk about their connection. “Oh.” Then the golden light stilled and she got that look in her eyes again – like she was making a decision or had already made one and was just gathering the courage to go through with it.

“...Kara?” he whispered, his cautious curiosity growing as she slowly unwound her arms and trailed her hands down his neck and his chest-

-only to slam his eyes shut and hiss when the tips of her fingers stopped just above his hips.

All at once, the all-consuming desire he thought he had managed to bury for the most part came roaring back to life.

“ _Kara..._ ” he growled warningly as he forced his eyes open again to glare at her.

Surprisingly – or perhaps not –, she was unfazed. “You want me.”

“We've been over this.” It was a struggle to keep his voice even. “And besides, I wouldn't have accepted otherwise.”

If she noticed that he had essentially used her own words from earlier back at her, she didn't show it. Instead, she brushed his hipbone with her thumb, causing him to let out a tortured groan as his eyes closed again of their own volition and a violent shudder ran through his body. “Then...” Her voice faltered noticeably but when he opened his eyes again he found her looking right at him, those oceans of blue filled with more emotions than he could name. “I'm yours.”

Although her simple statement was everything the Daxamite in him had been dying to hear since the moment she had made her request, it also made his heart simultaneously expand and constrict to almost painful degrees. Gods, did she know what kind of effect she had on him? If he didn't get himself back under control immediately, he didn't know what he was going to do. “You're still nervous,” he whispered with a somewhat accusatory tone in his voice, having seized on that sliver of hesitation he could feel coming through their connection in a desperate bid to distract himself from the maelstrom that his mind had become.

Her cheeks pinked again – the sight did not in any way improve his current state, much to his regret – but she refused to look away. “I am,” she admitted, an undercurrent of defiance in her words, but then her gaze softened and the golden light seemed to weave itself deeper into his very soul. “But Mon-El... That's not going to go away with time. In fact, it's just going to get worse the longer I- the longer _we_ put it off. So please...” One hand made its way back up to cup his face with a tenderness that threatened to break him for an altogether different reason. “Stop trying to convince me I don't want this. Because I do.” Her thumb brushed his cheek, and he couldn't help but lean into her touch at that. “I want _you_ , Mon-El.”

No words were adequate and so no words came, and the only way he could express to her how much her words meant to him was to kiss her with everything that he had. _I'm yours_ , he thought with almost ferocious desperation, wishing that their connection could allow her to hear his thoughts just this once. _I'm yours for as long as you'll have me. I'm yours for all eternity._

The wholehearted way she kissed him back and the radiance of the golden light in his head almost made him believe that his wish had been granted, but by the time they finally parted for air he found it didn't matter in the end. All that mattered was that he stayed true to his word whether she knew it or not. “Last chance,” he whispered against her lips.

This time, there was a trace of genuine annoyance in those brilliant blue orbs – an impression which was only strengthened by the way the golden light bumped his mind like an enraged Broxx. “Mon-El, if you ask me whether I've changed my mind one more time, I really will kick you out of my bed.”

Her words made the knot in his chest loosen just enough for a wry grin to steal across his face. “See, there you go again with the threats.” Then his features softened as her words from much earlier returned to the forefront of his mind. “You said it would hurt?”

She nodded ever so slightly, and he could feel the trepidation in her attempting to rise again even as her resolve kept it at bay as she returned her hands to their previous position on his back. “Possibly.”

“...All right.” He studied her for a moment. “It might help if you relaxed. Can you do that for me?”

Even though she nodded almost immediately after he had asked, it still took some time before he actually felt most of the tension leave her body. He used the opportunity to get himself into position but stopped when he felt her stiffen again. Then, before he could tempt her ire and ask if she really wanted to go through with this, he felt her force herself to relax and her hands caress his back as if to say, “I'm okay. I still want this.”

This was truly it. The point of no return.

He took a breath and then buried himself inside her to the hilt in one smooth, powerful thrust.

As one, both their bodies tensed for different reasons, and his head instantly became a jumbled mess of his pleasure and her pain as both of them squeezed their eyes shut at the same time. His ragged gasp was cancelled out by her pained whimper, and he grasped fistfuls of the sheets even as he felt her nails dig into his back. It was all he could do to keep himself from moving and focus all of his attention on getting his breathing back under control.

Gods... He had known that it was going to be a tight fit but this... It felt like her body was trying to squeeze the life out of him.

_-There are worse ways to die.-_

Gritting his teeth, he shoved the unhelpful thought out of his head with a vengeance and turned all his attention towards trying to leech away her pain as best as he could.

“You don't have to do that,” he heard her mumble, causing him to open his eyes to find her looking back at him with a gaze made hazy by pain and tears.

Part of him rebelled at the sight – at the reality that he had hurt her, regardless of the circumstances – but he kept himself from apologising in case it upset her. “I want to,” he said instead. “It's the least I could do.”

There was a glint of something in her eyes and the golden light that suggested she was contemplating arguing with him anyway but it vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared and she simply brushed her lips against his cheek. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome,” he replied automatically even though he wasn't quite sure if it was appropriate but then she gave him a small wry smile and pressed another feather-light kiss to his other cheek so he decided not to think too much about it.

For a long while, they just stayed like that as he continued drawing her pain out like a poison, combining his mental actions with a mixture of soothing words into her ear and gentle kisses to her neck and shoulder. He was so focused on his mission that it took the feel of her running her hands up and down his back to realise that her pain had dulled to near nothingness. When he lifted his head to look at her, he found her wearing a soft smile on her face. “I'm okay now,” she murmured as a wave of calm reassurance came through their connection. “You can move.”

Permission granted, his body obeyed her request before his mind had even fully processed it and began carefully pulling out of her at a maddeningly slow pace. He watched as her eyes slipped shut and her mouth fell open to let a ragged gasp tumble free, unable to look away from the mixture of surprise, loss and mild discomfort playing across her face. It was, however, not quite enough to fully distract him from the sensations bombarding his mind from his end – the way her core gripped him as if it was refusing to let him go and the way his own body protested leaving her wet heat. Groaning, he forced himself to keep going until he was almost completely out of her before driving back in as deep as possible. A sharp drawn-out whimper was his reward, as was his own pleasure at being inside her fully once more, and her body arched into his almost painfully. The golden light flared as surprise and pure ecstasy dominated her features with only traces of the discomfort from before still lingering at the edges.

He stopped, even though every cell in his body had started demanding more, more, _more_. “Kara?” he rasped.

“I'm okay, I'm okay,” she panted, eyes still closed and hands pawing at his back for purchase. “Keep... Keep doing that.”

He needed no other encouragement, and before long had established a steady pace that gradually picked up speed as if to match their rapidly short and uneven breathing. As he drowned in the feel of her body mourning his departure and welcoming his return in an endless cycle and the primal noises both of them were emitting, he felt the golden light pulse with increasing strength and radiance as it seemingly tried to embed itself into his very being. In that moment, he was hard-pressed to remember that there was a world beyond the bed beneath them, much less that all this barely counted as something real.

Somewhere along the way, she had hooked her ankles behind him in an effort to give herself better leverage with which to meet his thrusts and one of his hands had captured hers to pin it down and entwine their fingers.

With their bodies all but fused together to the point where he could almost swear he could feel her heart beating against his and their minds were a shared indecipherable mess, there was no way to tell where her pleasure ended and his began. Here and now, they were truly one in every conceivable way.

It was all too much. He could feel his control slipping away despite his best efforts and his thrusts became increasingly erratic as he sensed her approaching her limit again. _Not yet_ , he tried to tell himself through the haze clouding his thoughts, mentally scrambling for the strength to keep his own release at bay for just a little longer at the very least. _Not yet._ He had already disappointed Terr-Es and Yuda once already and he was going to do everything in his power to avoid repeating his error even if it killed him.

Then the trembling hand still on his back made its journey up to his neck and shaky fingers entangled themselves in his hair to pull him down so that his face was all but buried in the crook of her neck. “Together,” she gasped breathlessly into his ear.

'Together'. Just that one word.

It could have meant anything. It could have meant nothing.

But he knew her. He understood. And suddenly not even Yuda's divine will mattered. Just her. Only her.

When she went over the edge this time, he dutifully followed.

**Author's Note:**

> ...And now we resume our usual broadcast of smut-free content with Chapter 18 of A Tourist in the Waking World... UNTIL THE VERY END.


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